Turning 50 and Freaking Out
I am about to turn 50 in a couple of days and although I’m OK with this, I find myself thinking about it a lot. I have never really been aware of my age or my aging. Perhaps because I didn’t have children and therefore had no one around constantly changing and showing the passage of time. But something about the number 50 is different. That’s a big number. In my mind I can still do so many things that I really can’t do anymore. I was given an old bicycle this week and in my mind it wouldn’t be a piece of cake but it would be possible for me to ride to the post office and back. There is no way this could really happen without a stroke or heart attack at the end, but in my mind… .
I guess it’s natural to reflect on life at milestones such as this and I have been doing just that.
A few days later:
My cousin came to visit; she turns 50 in about 6 weeks. She informed me the pink tomato festival in Bradley County Arkansas is 50 this year. The first day they were here, her husband put down our big dog Humphrey. I had an appointment with the vet for the next day, but a man with a bobcat came by and dug a hole for me, so her husband was kind enough to put Hump out of his misery. His absence sure has changed the dynamic of the place. Seems we weren’t the only ones stressed out by him. The pup and the chickens are getting along much better now. Katie had decided she wanted to be the Alpha dog so maybe all the chicken chasing was just showing off to secure her place. Anyway, Hump is gone but he sure had a good life while he was here. We spent the second day in Hot Springs and boy, did we have a good time. Went to El Chico’s and that was the first time I had been in a restaurant to sit and eat IN THIS CENTURY. Wow, that was such a big deal. My Mother passed in January of 1990. The only thing she asked is that we occasionally visit her grave and play George Strait music. It would have been her 79th birthday so we went by the cemetery and played George Strait. In fact, the only music we listened to all day was George Strait. Happy Birthday Maw, we sure do miss you. Later that evening cousin, me, and her husband set outside and watched fireworks from a neighbor a ways away. It was a great show for a Saturday night in Pencil Bluff. When they left on Sunday they took one of the hens and 3 chicks. I had 5 chicks for them but 2 bolted and ran when I was loading them for transport. Hope they do OK; I made them put the chickens in the back seat so they could have air conditioner.
The other day at the free yard sale I got a bicycle. It’s small and just right for hills but the bearings gave out. One of my neighbors heard about my excitement over the bike and brought me a really good girls bike, much more my size. Got a lot of cards and a call from my brother. I still haven’t heard from my Dad. My brother called so late I had given up on him. He didn’t stay on long but at least he thought of me. After all, I am his only sibling. Dad is just Dad, eventually he will remember. He is a sweet guy but very private and was never much a part of our lives. That’s the way it was for fathers of his generation. Still I must confess it hurts that he didn’t remember his baby girls birthday, especially such a big one.
I guess it’s natural to reflect on life at milestones such as this and I have been doing just that.
A few days later:
My cousin came to visit; she turns 50 in about 6 weeks. She informed me the pink tomato festival in Bradley County Arkansas is 50 this year. The first day they were here, her husband put down our big dog Humphrey. I had an appointment with the vet for the next day, but a man with a bobcat came by and dug a hole for me, so her husband was kind enough to put Hump out of his misery. His absence sure has changed the dynamic of the place. Seems we weren’t the only ones stressed out by him. The pup and the chickens are getting along much better now. Katie had decided she wanted to be the Alpha dog so maybe all the chicken chasing was just showing off to secure her place. Anyway, Hump is gone but he sure had a good life while he was here. We spent the second day in Hot Springs and boy, did we have a good time. Went to El Chico’s and that was the first time I had been in a restaurant to sit and eat IN THIS CENTURY. Wow, that was such a big deal. My Mother passed in January of 1990. The only thing she asked is that we occasionally visit her grave and play George Strait music. It would have been her 79th birthday so we went by the cemetery and played George Strait. In fact, the only music we listened to all day was George Strait. Happy Birthday Maw, we sure do miss you. Later that evening cousin, me, and her husband set outside and watched fireworks from a neighbor a ways away. It was a great show for a Saturday night in Pencil Bluff. When they left on Sunday they took one of the hens and 3 chicks. I had 5 chicks for them but 2 bolted and ran when I was loading them for transport. Hope they do OK; I made them put the chickens in the back seat so they could have air conditioner.
The other day at the free yard sale I got a bicycle. It’s small and just right for hills but the bearings gave out. One of my neighbors heard about my excitement over the bike and brought me a really good girls bike, much more my size. Got a lot of cards and a call from my brother. I still haven’t heard from my Dad. My brother called so late I had given up on him. He didn’t stay on long but at least he thought of me. After all, I am his only sibling. Dad is just Dad, eventually he will remember. He is a sweet guy but very private and was never much a part of our lives. That’s the way it was for fathers of his generation. Still I must confess it hurts that he didn’t remember his baby girls birthday, especially such a big one.
posted by ouachita woman | 9:55 PM
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