Found - a precious letter

When life begins spinning out of control it is important to find away to regain control, or at least the appearance of control. I may not have control over much, but I do have control over how things are stored in or home. Every now and then I rearrange my closets or drawers. This last week end it was filing. I can actually find something now. In the process of going through papers I found a letter from our son who was recently killed and I want to share it with the world.

12-13-04
I love you both so much. You have been a big influence in my life. The love you both have shown me, I can never repay. Threw all these years both of you stuck your necks out to keep me out of trouble. To teach me that school isn’t that tough and to love. Why, only God knows, but I want the two of you to know even though the whole time that I thought you were being mean. I truly love the pain and heart ache you put me through to make me the man I am today. I grow each day. I know that I’m one of the luckiest people in the world to have a loving family as I do. So this card is just a small token of my undying love you both know I have for you. God Bless.
Your son,

How many parents get the chance to hear something like that from their child?

The Loss of a Child

Two weeks ago today our lives took a dramatic turn when our middle son was killed in a stupid auto accident. Sorry for the anger but it was his own fault. The good news is his younger brother walked away with only cuts and bruises.
He had been my step-son since he was four and the only one who lived with us during the school year. Since I was never able to have children of my own, he was my only child in school. It was six years ago and only one semester but I’ll bet the principal still remembers me. I am big on learning; I live in a travel trailer and collect encyclopedias. Yes, I’m nuts. But in a good way. I have only known two people who could take me to anger and this child was one of them. (1st husband was the other). But as the years went by and after living together in such close quarters with his dad in the shape he’s in, we really bonded. We reached a point were we respected each other. The last conversation I had with him he had called to ask for my advice. When ever he got stressed out he would call me for help in getting things back into perspective. How cool is that. A 23 year old asking his step-mom for advice. He did scold me for not telling him our dog of 12 ½ years had to be put down, but didn’t scold me about not telling him his dad was hospitalized for two days and now has high blood pressure. As far as I can tell he was on good terms with everyone in his life; had all his ducks in a row. Since we all have to go, he went at a great time for him. He was becoming such a wonderful man that it’s sad we won’t get to see were he could have gone.
I could write for days about this child, but for now I just wanted to get something out there.