Roller Coaster Month

The yard is coming along nicely. Of the 200 crocus bulbs at least 50 of them have broke ground. The tulips and jonquils have also broken thru. Finally got the persimmon trees pruned. We have been here 7 years and this was their first trimming. There is one growing under the back door just under the edge of the trailer and I have cut it back each year and each year it comes back bigger. I expect the big trees to respond just as well. The spring seed and plant catalogs have started coming in and I sure do love to drool over them. I still need several more rose bushes and found a company last year that is real cheap. I was amazed at how well their cheap roses did this last year so I think I will get more. They have a deal that if you don’t care about the color you get, you can get them for less than $4 each. In a perfect world I would get 13 to fit in the area I visualize them in, but I will be happy with 5. My favorite rose is Cary Grant, an orange flower. He is also my favorite actor, especially in “Arsenic and Old Lace”. Been looking a climbing roses and I may go that way. Instead of climbing I want them to crawl towards each other. Still working on a trellis design 2: high and 10-12’ long. Won’t really know until the plants are in.
Very rarely do I write these in one sitting. Since I was happy planning garden a few days ago to now a time when my dog of 12 years is fading fast. I checked out his symptoms on line and it appears to be Cushing Syndrome. It happens to 20% of dogs and the symptoms are the same as aging. It wasn’t until the excessive thirst that it became obvious, then he stopped eating .
It has been awhile and the dog is stable now, at least physically, but his mind isn’t right. He has become very aggressive to one of the cats; a cat he has loved for 5 years. And what a will to live. He is fighting to get better and I think it’s because of Katie. He doesn’t want to die knowing that puppy is here.
Once again with the help of others this has turned out to be a much better month than it seemed it would be. I received a donation to help put down Humphrey. The card was awesome; even husband thought someone had gotten a picture of Hump and his cat. It shows a cat sitting on the dogs head and years ago we had the same picture of Hump and his cat Fluffy Butt. What a cool card. He is trying so hard to live that I told him I wouldn’t put him down until he was ready but if he keeps up the aggression I may have to break my word.

Two Special People

16 years ago I lost my Mother and 14 years ago my husband lost his Father. Their deaths happened within two days of each other and today is one of the days. I don’t know much about “the laughing man”, just that his son is also a laugher. We never met but spoke on the phone a few times. It was the morning of his funeral that my husband first showed signs of the coming neurological problems. When we received news of the death we made quick arrangements to drive to CA. We borrowed an RV, looked at the map and decided I-40 would be shorter and quicker. Didn’t stop to think about the travel problems that can show up in early January. We ran into a snow storm outside the Petrified Forest and when the gas station opened the next morning they found us parked at their pumps. Before we got there we had run out of gas, we used the gas from the generator mixed with a gallon of Coleman fuel, then just the Coleman fuel. The RV ran real bad, no compression, but we made it to the station during a storm. When we finally got to CA we changed the plugs and were good as new. It was a journey to remember for sure. I have no doubt “the laughing man” was laughing.
As for Maw, boy was that one great woman. I don’t recall being afraid of death before Maw’s, but after watching her that last day, I definitely have no fear. On Friday night she decided it was time to allow things to run their course and stopped all medications. On Saturday I called my brother and told him he should head on down. We were in Houston at the time. When Maw heard he was coming she perked up and when they arrived she was able to sit up Sunday morning and eat breakfast. During the day Sunday she was in and out of consciousness. My uncle and I were in the room and heard her talking; she asked “what are all these critters doing in my room?” I wish I had asked what kind of critters but I asked where are these critters. Knowing Maw, the critters were small woodland creatures or maybe cats and dogs. She said “there everywhere, on the walker, the TV”, then she dozed off again. After a few minutes she started talking again and asked “Lord, where am I, in a cemetery?” She paused as if listening to the answer. “What am I doing here?’ and another pause. “Oh, OK.” Then she was out again. Later when she was awake she told me she thought she was going to die. I told her yes I know. She said, “No, I don’t think you do”. So I told her the things that she had said earlier and she knew I did understand. She quizzed me during the day, did I pay this, pay that, call ??, and anything else she could thing of. Around 6pm with my husband and me on one side holding her hand and my brother and sister-in-law on the other side holding her hand, she passed over. A smile came on her face and every wrinkle disappeared. Most people look different at their funerals; and in a bad way. She looked better than she had in years. No more stress, no more pain. Her regular hairdresser came in and did her hair and we placed her in a beautiful nightgown. All our lives she was teaching us and even in those last moments she taught us the greatest lesson of all, death is not an end but only a beginning and judging by the look on her face there is nothing to dread.

Just Another Day

Some days are harder than others and today wasn’t so good. I am one of the most positive people I know, but sometimes reality comes crashing in no matter how hard I try to keep it out. I have been sitting in this 8’ x 38’ trailer for the last six years and unlike husband I am neither physically nor mentally disabled. The fact that I am not completely insane is amazing; at least it seems that way today. Being poor is one thing but sitting here knowing my earning potential while also knowing I only have $409 for the month is enough to bother even the strongest person.; at least that’s how it feels today. I am so tired of begging.